


my boots are from airports, my backpacks from friends

by Anxiety_Induced_Writing



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: ADHD, Dissociation, I'm Sorry, Jealousy, Panic Attack, Song: It's Nice to Have a Friend (Taylor Swift), Techno are good friends fight me, allusions to tics, family sbi, it's just projection baby, no beta we did like tubbox, this is just a vent fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27589672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anxiety_Induced_Writing/pseuds/Anxiety_Induced_Writing
Summary: Snippets from highschool, you get how it is. Some of the good, mostly the bad.Title from Wilbur's Since I saw Vienna
Comments: 4
Kudos: 93





	1. Chapter 1

Everything was wrong. 

Well, not wrong.

It was just not lining up. School was nothing, work was nothing, home was nothing. Maybe there's a jolt of good when he's friends were on. Maybe there's the never ending rush of fear at school, realising how far behind he is, the never ending panic. 

He's supposed to be the smart kid. He was supposed to know it, not be sitting in bed at night, thinking of how he needs to do that paper, how he needs to do that worksheets those too many work sheets. 

They may be going virtual again. 

He didn't do well the first time.

The headache comes back, and he adjusts his pig mask. He glances to Wilbur, Wilbur and his soft yellow mask, with his beanie hiding his head. Wilbur was allowed to wear a hat, because who would tell him no?

Techno sighed. 

His head felt cool against the table. When did he put his head down? When did he go to bed last night? When did first period start?

Why was it already ending? 

Why was school already over with?

His backpack weighed as he hopped into Wilbur's van, already tuning out the voice of Tommy. He yawned, faintly recognising Wilbur talking, was he talking to him? Techno didn't know. He was tired. 

He should take a nap before work. Wait, no. He had to read that book. The familiar clench of anxiety shook at him then, but he brushed it away. Think about something else, think about something else. 

Fingers brushed through his hair, and he leaned into it, feeling the sofa against his back. Someone was behind him, Wilbur? Yeah, the fingers were too long to be Phil's. 

Was he braiding it? Well yeah, he always braids Techno's hair before work. Was it time for that already? He just got into second period. 

Fuck.


	2. Chapter 2

His hands were cold.

He was always cold. 

It seeped into his bones, making his hands freeze, his body protest moving as he kept bundled up in his jackets, usually two, maybe more. 

No hats in school. 

His ears were red with cold, but Wilbur wore his hat. His beanie. 

They loved Wilbur. 

Techno sat in the seat beside air conditioner, feeling the cold penetrate his jacket, and he shakes. 

Stop moving. 

He tries to speak, tell the teachers he's cold, but he doesn't, he can't talk. His head snaps to the side, ow, but he can't control it. He's so cold. 

He can't focus, only shiver. This room is hot. People are taking off jackets. He wants to leave. Can I use the bathroom?

No.

He sits, shivering.


	3. Chapter 3

The pressure comes suddenly, curling around his stomach, squeezing, squeezing. What was wrong? What did he ask this time? Nothing. He did nothing. He's hot now, that's new, but the fear, the nonstop fear distracts him, making his eyes widen, search desperately for someone to help. But he was alone. 

Despite being here for years, he still hadn't made navy friends, just stuck to Wilbur and the fear is even worse now. What if they know, they are all staring at him because he hasn't done it yet, he is weird. He looks down, his hands are shaking. Not really, but they feel unstable. He can hardly move them, he'll drop everything. Fuck 

The unstableness spreads through his body and the fear curls tighter. Hes gonna fall- no, he's fine. The bell rings. Finally. He only drops his backpack twice. Did he eat last night? Yeah, Phil forced something in him last night. He didn't have his pig mask, but that couldn't be the reason? It was just being washed, it's fine. 

Did he have it? It that what this is? He trudges through the hall, giving a smileand nod from behind his mask, oh it's so so fake, when Tommy catches up to him and starts rambling, something about the book he's reading in English- 

"It's not poggers, Tech, but Tubbo seems-"

He feels the fear curl around his throat now, it's hard to breathe. A familiar beanie flashes into sight, and he moves toward it, feeling Tommy grip his bag in order to keep up. Get to Wilbur, get to class, and it will be fine. 

But it wasnt fine.

The fear disappears as soon as it came.


	4. Chapter 4

He cant find it oh where is it

he needs it like wilbur needs his beanie and tommy has his discs and tubbo likes bees and dream his mask

and he needs his pig mask

Where is it

he had it at work

yes. then wilbur picked him up and the next day he didn't have it he'd find it that night but he did schoolwork and didn't find it

yes

then in the morning he couldn't find it

the one tommy gave him smells sickly sweet he's going to puke

He had to do work, but the teacher wasn't here to give out paper and he needs paper so he waits

AlAnd waits

and waits

and now he's panicking again because it's fucking gone. 

breathe techno

breathe

phil can get you a new one, he thinks yeah phil's getting one today and he'll get it to him

but where did it go

something brushes against him and he flinches, and dream cocks his head to the side. 

What's wrong

techno frowns dream signed, must be a bad day for him too

Mask

dream nods

he of all people understand. 

wilbur?

no. 

Each of their signs are clipped, tensions high. 

you good?

dream shakes his head, and leans against techno. he appreciates the touch.

They sit for a while. It's nice.


	5. Fine.

No one ever asked if Phil was fine. 

But that's alright, because he was fine

Right?

Was fine laying awake at night, listening to the man-made lake under his property make noise as the wing blew harsh and cold? 

Was fine watching his son, who he killed, prance along with his sheep, remind him so, so often that he was glad his own father killed him?

Was fine breaking down when the president, a kid he knew for years, his youngests best friend, put him under house arrest for not giving up the location of a man he treated as his son?

Was fine watching your youngest and battle partner for years stuff away any trace of the younger when a god came through, the inability to help sinking like rocks in his stomach?

Was fine feeling satisfaction as his youngest cried out in horror as he helped destroy the country that made his eldest wish to die? 

Was fine not regretting it?

Was fine ignoring his eldest because he was more focused on his friend?

No. 

Philza was not fine. 

But no one asked.

So no one knew.


End file.
